So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
