I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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