I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i believe in u and ur pee
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
