I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We named our party play list daddy issues
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
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At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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