and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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