I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
