We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
