took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize