Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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