There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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