What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
