what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
