I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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