Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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