is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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