I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
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You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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