I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
