You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
