remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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