Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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