i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
