If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
