We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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