Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
