dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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