I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have aggressive nipples.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
