I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
