I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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