i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
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you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
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I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana