One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal