Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes

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  (614): If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes http://tfl.nu/ijgu
  Replies (8) Good night (865) Bad night (3157)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out

  (440): View more from Ohio

  seek help.

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  (216): I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out (440): seek help. http://tfl.nu/dyh0
  Replies (24) Good night (5075) Bad night (712)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!

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  (407): At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick! http://tfl.nu/dynw
  Replies (56) Good night (1243) Bad night (9076)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.

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  (814): It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice. http://tfl.nu/t4ih
  Replies (7) Good night (609) Bad night (4969)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk

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  (814): Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk http://tfl.nu/i4kc
  Replies (9) Good night (5552) Bad night (780)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.

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  (360): We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times. http://tfl.nu/t6mj
  Replies (4) Good night (1485) Bad night (2318)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.

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  (410): I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me. http://tfl.nu/7cby
  Replies (3) Good night (826) Bad night (1944)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.

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  (403): were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found. http://tfl.nu/pucp
  Replies (13) Good night (2263) Bad night (907)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.

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  (314): You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you. http://tfl.nu/pksa
  Replies (6) Good night (4672) Bad night (630)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up

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  (780): Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up http://tfl.nu/x63c
  Replies (5) Good night (1030) Bad night (474)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry

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  (803): He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry http://tfl.nu/mcy0
  Replies (4) Good night (313) Bad night (1160)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.

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  (601): I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome. http://tfl.nu/2jlt
  Replies (2) Good night (367) Bad night (270)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.

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  (405): Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day. http://tfl.nu/fi0j
  Replies (4) Good night (531) Bad night (219)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.

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  (908): I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it. http://tfl.nu/8q70
  Replies (1) Good night (657) Bad night (191)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.

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  (602): I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite. http://tfl.nu/08rf
  Replies (5) Good night (911) Bad night (248)

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