let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.