So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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