We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
