Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
