i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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