her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
