Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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