Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
