I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize