Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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