Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
