I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
