planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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