Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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