would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
