Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
