Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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