I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
