I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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