I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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