dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
