i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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