Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
