she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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