Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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