I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
