He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
