Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
