How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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