dude i'm inner monologue high
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
