I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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