this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
