I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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