barbara walters just said penis...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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