I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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