end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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