Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
