if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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